Unintended Pregnancy

If you feel “shocked” about your unintended pregnancy, start by writing or saying your story out loud, alone or with someone you trust. This will help ground you and provide a foundation for you to explore your options.

Review your emotional history from the last 3-5 years. List the times you were extremely happy and optimistic, as well as times you were sad, lonely, or depressed. What prompted longer bouts of happiness, joy, heartache, or depression? How have you dealt with losing a job or loved ones? Breakups or illness? What lessons of strength or patience can you draw on to help you now? What might your past suggest about your ability to emotionally handle parenting, or abortion, or adoption alternatives?

Whether you are considering being a single parent or parenting with a partner, raising a child (an infant, toddler, adolescent or teenager) is a 24-hour/day job. Are you willing to sacrifice your free time, needs, wants, and privacy for your child? Can you do this without resentment and anger? Are you patient? Do you enjoy children? How do you deal with anger and frustration? If you’ve been lonely at all during the last several months/years, be sure you’re not considering a baby to help you feel needed, or as a cure to loneliness or sadness.

Whether you’re in a committed relationship or not, there are two people involved in this pregnancy. You’ll need to speak to one another without glossing over the uncomfortable stuff: discuss your financial and emotional expectations of one another. List some positive and negative aspects of your relationship, and talk openly about each item you’ve noted. Why are you together (or not)? Where do you see yourselves in a year or two, with or without a child? If you’re in a committed relationship, ask each other: if we broke up, would we be willing respect one another and act civilly for the sake of our child? It may not be the most romantic conversation you’ll ever have, but if you’re unwilling to be honest now, consider what that implies about your ability to be honest and direct with one another in the future.

What type of belief system or values do you have? Are you prepared to support and love your children no matter who they become, even if their beliefs, religion, or politics are different from yours? If you have hopes about a child’s sex/gender, how will you feel if it comes out differently? Can you offer unconditional love and acceptance to your child if it chooses a partner of another race, religion, sex, or gender?

If you’re a teen or young person, talking to your parents about an unintended pregnancy may be difficult. List your reasons for telling/not telling, even if you think you may disappoint them. Sometimes the hardest part is getting the words out; consider writing your parents a letter and then read it to them. Talking with them may make you feel safer, more confident and supported, and they may have helpful insight and advice. If you fear that a parent may become violent, or physically or emotionally abusive, consider speaking to someone you trust first to help you decide. You can always talk with one of our supportive staff members if you need assistance with telling a parent, or talking about options.